This past month off-the-trail, has been devastating for me. Not only did my hand/wrist injury crush my spirit, but my little brother made the choice to end his life. I like to think that he found comfort and peace from this miserable existence and I think that there was a part of me that felt envious of his choice. I have gained at least 15 lbs due to doing nothing but eating, sleeping and drinking cheap beer.
I was enlightened while visiting home during the family death, my cousin helped me see my unsuccessful thru hike in a perspective that I had been unable to see. He explained that I was still interpreting my unsuccessful thru hike through the perception of a conditioned thru hiker, where the rest of this world viewed my completed 777 miles as a huge success and an epic achievement. My hand injury is finally showing signs of healing and that’s been a big help in lifting me from the dense fog.
Maybe there is a life beyond the place I’ve been existing. And I’m convinced that I’ll need to seek psychiatric help in healing. But that I’m even writing this blog post must be evidence that there is hope.